When was the last time you thought about what do you feel about yourself? I mean in today’s world of notifications, emails by your boss, politics and life around you, have you stopped to think about yourself?
We get easily consumed by other’s perception of us. You will always play a character in someone’s story, mostly as a side-hero or a villain.
However, why does it affect us? I as a person, have always been the one to please. With time, I’m breaking that narrative, but I got to thinking about what brought me there in the first place. Was it the fact that my mother always wanted me to be a good girl or my father said, it was not suitable to be outspoken. Did that change me? Yes. I’m reserved at home and preferably opposite outside.
School and college was pretty much standard. Until high-school, it was all about, bring those grades, and you’re cool. Then, the definition of cool changed. You were supposed to follow a specific suit, look a certain way, and my oiled – braided hair wasn’t COOL.
Came to college, I became cool to hang out with people but not my age. My teachers said it was because I was too mature for my age. I think I liked that, but then again I loved being with my classmates. I was torn between my personality and wished, and without any guess, my personality won!
Came work, from colleagues who turned into strangers to the ones that turned into family, I saw them all. Sometimes the ones who turned from being a family to a stranger – or it is just overthinking (only time shall tell)
What struck me was, everyone I met wanted me to be someone. No, we think you like this and not that. Why was it so vital for them to fit me in a frame? Was I too scattered for them? Too naive? Too loud? Alternatively, too, gullible?
For a 22-year-old, with a fair share of breakups, it was tough for me to understand, what was this? Why was I told I don’t like something? Moreover, most importantly, why did I listen?
Why my rebel self didn’t go and counter them? Why the reaction to someone telling the slightest of ‘bad opinion’ about me leads to hours of crying?
WHY DO I CARE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S NARRATIVE ABOUT ME?
As always, I headed to google about my problem. The solutions that came by were, no you were weak-willed, depressed, blah and blah.
What did I do next? Googled a bunch of quotes on defining yourself and this struck up
So then went ahead and Googled something about people’s opinion about me and this struck up:
So that’s me, Googling away things and realising, its okay to feel like this. Maybe it doesn’t matter and maybe it does.
Only time shall tell.
If you’re someone who’s gone through this or going through this, hit me up on urmi.bhatt97@gmail.com
Until next time.
MeAndLifeSince1997 